WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We need a shit load of segways right now
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
