your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The uberlube is also flammable
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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