you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
