Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
