Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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