Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
