My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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