Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
