Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
