Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
