I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
