everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
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This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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