she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
