it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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