today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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