Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
