I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
