life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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