Betty ford says i'm here all night
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
