i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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