I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
