Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
