My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
