dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
