Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
