lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
