question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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