just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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