when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I fill condoms, not promises.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
