fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
