I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
