I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
