I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
