Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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