I accidentally burped into my bong.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
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in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
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My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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