New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
