sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
