I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize