perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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