Already got asked if we're dating
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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