You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
