Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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