I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
