So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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