like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
