We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
foreskin is a definite game changer
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
