I'm jealous of your bromance
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize