Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night