Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
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FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
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I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags