I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"