apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.