I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
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sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My breasts were aching with rage.
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I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.