I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The best revenge is premature balding
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
