dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize