For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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