im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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