i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
then he tried to convert me to islam
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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