You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
