she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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