Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
