The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
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You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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