So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
