She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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