She said her name was "party"
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
