my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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